"Oh! I didn't see you come in." That's the kind of thing you can say with confidence while turning away from your mantlepiece, snapped from your reverie - if you're wearing a pair of velvet slippers. Pipe clenched in teeth, ascot cradling chin, and toes housed in sumptuous velvet. You will be the spitting image of a Satanic Victorian pervert.
The slippers are available in blue or black velvet and feature a devilish cloven heel and a Tudor rose embroidered onto the toe. They can also be used to shoo away dementia-induced hallucinatory demons.